Tuesday 3 February 2009

It's a long way from here to better

It’s 2009 and people still drop litter. I’m no longer surprised. The proof? I saw a man drop a can in Skibbereen and found myself thinking: you know what? This doesn’t surprise me.

Do you think that’s a reasonable response, this lack of surprise? I’m told that this response is a sign of real progress - but how can this possibly be? Why wouldn’t you be surprised by such a stabbingly anti-social act? Where on earth did I go? I miss me. I was great.

Deconstructing the self-obsessed desolate guy who was never as smart as he thought: the early years - talking trash with a Freud Squad outrider

How do you feel when you see someone dropping litter?
Anything else?
Would you like to tell me what else you feel?
Not really, no.
Will you, though?
Of course, yes.
Well, I feel confused and uneasy, as if something just slipped inside my head and set off a bell. I feel like things are rushing at me, denying me space – like when you see someone being stabbed repeatedly with a sword, say, something really alien, and you just kind of hear a ringing and know that something is very wrong and yet can’t quite adjust to make sense of things quickly enough. It’s like with any act of violence, I suppose, you just take a moment or ….
Wait. Sorry. You feel that dropping litter is an act of violence?
Of course.
I see. And do you feel that this violence is directed towards you personally?
Of course.
But….okay. Do you think that this is a reasonable response you’re having?
Do I think that this is a reasonable response? No, of course not, but you were asking me how I felt.
Fair enough. So what do you think of the way that you feel?
I think that it’s irrational and self-pitying, almost completely divorced from a sensible reality and horribly, horribly excessive.
Yet you persist in feeling this way all the same?
Of course.
And how does that make you feel?
Ha. This could take some time.
I admire your optimism.

And here we all are, many, many drugs later, giving a big thumbs-up to therapy, I’m sure. The trial continues.

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