Thursday 27 September 2007

Fidel sticks (and Tutu, too)

Castro lives! I can't quite believe it, but the man is still alive. I just saw him on the news, talking and blinking and moving (slightly). Wow. When did that happen? I am absolutely positive that he was dead. 

The last time I saw him on the telly he was taking a very painful (and super inelegant) fall into some folding chairs at a heap big swanky ceremony for dignitaries. I remember kind of thinking "well that's that, then". I'm sure he was dead shortly after this. Jesus. One can only hope he doesn't begin to overstay his welcome and chip away at the feelgood factor generated by his revolution and Cuba's subsequent economic ascent towards an average wage of $15-a-month. 

On the very same news bulletin, not two minutes later, Desmond Tutu popped up to say that the Burmese monks were assured of ultimate victory in their horribly brave (and quite possibly doomed) protest. Wtf? There is no way that Desmond Tutu is still alive. (Incidentally, why are Buddhist monks protesting over rising fuel prices? Do monks drive and stuff? Are they not, you know, monks? I'm not so sure, come to think of it, that I've ever seen a monk as a passenger in a car, let alone driving one, so how come this fuel thing has made them a bit ratty? It's almost like there are some other issues at play. Spooky. Anyway, never mind, I'm still rooting for them big style - go monks, go - but couldn't resist placing a wager on the Junta killing them all. Terrific odds on offer at Ladbrokes, terrific. It kind of softens the blow of your team taking a pasting to have a pocket full of cash from the bookies. Every cloud, every cloud....)

So Desmond and Fidel both seemed full of beans. Fidel maybe looked a wee bit pasty and very close to death, but this is a significant improvement, nevertheless, from where I had him placed in my mind's eye. It's all relative, really.

The thing that properly threw me into a tailspin, however, was the appearance (straight after Tutu) of a living and breathing Benazir Bhutto. Now I know that she's dead. She got killed in an ambush, I think. There was a car, some skidding, dust, fireballs, guys hanging out the window with guns, she went down. Or she was bombed up all dead on a train, maybe? She definitely died, because that's what I'm telling myself and because that's what I've got fixed in my mind.

I don't like the uncertainty, it makes me feel anxious. I don't like not being able to trust my mind, it makes me feel mad. I told someone about all of this, but I think they thought I was trying to be funny or, much worse, kooky and off-beat. I wasn't. I'm not. I don't like being so hideously out of synch. It shocked me to discover that they were alive.

And I mean Jesus - who else isn't dead?

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